Forgiveness. It’s complicated, difficult, and challenging.

However, I am prepared to argue that being unwilling to forgive or show mercy is even more complicated and can cause senseless distress in our lives. Because we live in a fallen world, we can expect to be hurt by others. We will face trials, prejudice, lies, and pain. But, as the old adage says, refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. The aftermath of unforgiveness will trickle into our lives, affecting our ability to have healthy, loving, respectful relationships. It is our human response to protect our hearts by building walls, distancing ourselves, losing sleep, and becoming cynical. I’m here to say that protecting our hearts is not our responsibility. It’s God’s.

Directly after Jesus taught the disciples to pray the Lord’s prayer, he says this, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But it you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT)

My small group had a session on forgiveness recently. I learned that I may have had the wrong idea about forgiveness. It doesn’t mean I have to forget the offense. But, what I do need to understand, what we all need to understand, is that God wants us to be able to think about what was done to us, and not feel the overwhelming pain associated with it. That’s the power of forgiveness. Forgiving doesn’t mean that the offense is in any way minimized. Choosing to cling to the anger and misery of the offense cheats us of freedom and relief. Forgiveness doesn’t always go hand in hand with reconciliation. After forgiving, it’s absolutely acceptable to put boundaries in place. We should rely on the Holy Spirit to guide us in this. God knows that reconciliation is not always a favorable idea.

It’s not fair. I can’t do it. They don’t deserve forgiveness. It’s too hard. Those words held me in bondage. We must recognize that these words are those of the enemy. Let’s not give him any power over us. Here’s the thing, forgiveness isn’t a feeling – it’s a CHOICE. I am fully aware that I cannot do these challenging ‘human things’ without God. I have the Holy Spirit in me and I am not weak.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 (NIV)

Real talk | Jesus was tortured, mocked, and beaten. He died a horrible death. He died because of MY sin. Because of YOUR sin. If He chose to do this for us, why do we want to hurt Him by not forgiving someone in our lives? Why are we choosing to harbor unforgiveness and live in the misery caused by it?

I know this for sure – Jesus is coming back. I don’t want to be consumed with unforgiveness when I see Him face to face. We serve a just God, an understanding God, a loving God, but the red words in the Bible are clear. We are to forgive. This is part of being a disciple. We are to consistently show others by our actions that we are God’s sons and daughters.

So, let’s make the choice. As I prayed for God to show me people I needed to forgive, He brought to mind people and hurts that I hadn’t thought of for years. It’s been a process and I’m still working through it, but it’s so absolutely worth it.

Get away from all the noise, sit in His Presence, ask Him to calm your mind, put on some music, just talk with Him. He will help you through this demanding undertaking. Just remember, you can’t do it without Him. Where you are weak, God is strong. Never underestimate our God. He’s not done.

“That’s why He had to enter into every detail of human life. Then, when He came before God as high priest to get rid of the people’s sins, He would have already experienced it all Himself – all the pain, all the testing – and would be able to help where help was needed.” Hebrews 2:17-18 MSG

It may be complicated, it may be difficult, but He’s been there, and we need to rely on Him to help where we need it. It’s our choice whether or not we ask Him to. Let’s choose to forgive, it won’t change the past, but it will change your future.

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