Every few miles on a trail, you’ll find one: a small stack of stones someone left behind, not because the path needed marking, but because they wanted the next person to know they’d been there too.

Every so often, in between the walks we take together here, I’ll set down a little stack of thoughts. No particular order, no real destination. Small things. Honest things. Not because they need saying, but because maybe you’ll round the bend and be glad to find them there.

Some thoughts about God

I was recently having a little chat with God. I often picture Him as we have our conversations, and I’m pretty sure He gets a kick out of me sometimes. I mean, I know He truly appreciates my wonderful ideas about how I should be able to steward my grudges. Listen, I’ve spent a lot of time on them. They’ve fueled me for years, and I feel like that deserves to be acknowledged. It’s hard work keeping these grudges alive and well. He may roll His eyes at me, but I can tell He’s engaged. He’s known for being a listener.

I also told Him I’d like some clarification on a particular scripture (Matthew 18, if you want to follow along). First of all, Peter is my homie. He’s such a wild card. Here’s Jesus, sharing educational stories with the disciples. He’s just finished saying He would leave ninety-nine sheep to find the one that has wandered off, and then He shares how, if two of them agree on anything they ask for, God will do it. And here’s ol’ Peter responding with, “Cool. But, you know, how often do I have to forgive people who talk behind my back, cut me off with their horse on a dusty road, or generally piss me off? Like, seven times?”

Seriously, seven times? Surely Peter didn’t truly think Jesus was going to be like, “Yep, that’s it. Only seven times. After that, it’s a free-for-all. No forgiveness necessary.” Oh, Peter. Such a gem.

Okay, anyhow, back to my chat. I would guess by now He’s just sitting there with His head in His hands. He can’t sigh any louder, but I shall not be deterred. Jesus said seventy-seven times, or, depending on that pesky translation business, seventy times seven. Now, I can do some simple multiplication, and at the most, it seems as though over the course of my life I only have to forgive people 490 times. Since I’m 47 years old, I’m guessing I’ve hit the quota and then some. I think I’m good. Is it cool if I keep those last little grudges?

Now, if you’re looking for a friend who literally hears the voice of God, I’m not your girl. Honestly, sometimes it’s hard for me to even pray. But when I’m in the middle of these conversations, many times I can distinguish His voice from mine. A lot of times He’s exasperated, like He gets with Peter. Other times He’s frustrated, like He gets with all the disciples. And still other times, He has the kindness and sincerity of a rescue dog who follows you to the bathroom. But then He’ll go and drop something like this…

How many times have I forgiven you?

He does this. There goes my sarcasm and quick wit. It’s just Him and me and the crickets. So, ya, I guess I have some forgiving to do.

I guess I’ll bring up the suggestion box at a later time…